The "Six Dollar Burger" needs re-branding

I'd like to think I'm a savvy consumer. When I watch TV, I scoff at the scams attempted by advertisers. Like the ad for those foreclosed home auctions. At the beginning, the announcer proclaims, "ATTENTION! THIS IS A PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT," yadda yadda. Um, yes, it is a public announcement. If it were a private announcement, you wouldn't have paid $5,000 for 30 second spot, broadcast over the public airwaves. Or the ads for furniture companies: "STORE CLOSING! EVERYTHING MUST GO! 30-50% OFF EVERYTHING!" For about eight months, that same company said the store was closing. I was ready to call them up and ask, "Will you just close already so I don't have to see your fucking commercials anymore?" Then, I started seeing "GRAND OPENING! NEW STORE! 30-50% OFF!" for the furniture store that replaced the one that apparently just closed. It must be annoying to replace your business cards every eight months.

So, even though I think I'm smarter than ads: Carl's Jr. commercials always get me. I think it's because they don't mess around. They just showcase the product. There's no gimmicks. Here's the burger. Look at it. It's fucking huge. Buy it. Eat it.

Needless to say, the new Kentucky Bourbon Six Dollar Burger got my attention (pictured). And as I sat down at my desk to eat one last week, a sad realization came to my mind. I just paid $8.20 for a burger, fries, and a coke. Well, I guess that makes sense. You figure, the burger is $6 (obviously), then another couple bucks for fries and a drink, plus tax. Okay, I get that. But then I remembered where the whole "Six Dollar Burger" thing came from: It's just a gimmick.

Damn you Karcher, and your Jr.!

About ten years ago, CJ started the "Six Dollar Burger" marketing campaign. It was meant to let the Average Joe $6-burger-pack get a high-quality burger -- like you could get at a fancy restaurant -- at a fast-food shop. I don't remember much about 1999, except prepping my computer for Y2K. But apparently, ten years ago, fast-food burgers were substantially cheaper than restaurant burgers. Remember when McDonalds offered cheeseburgers for $0.39 on Wednesdays?? 39 CENTS, are you kidding me?! I suppose restaurant burger costs anywhere from $8-15 nowadays. Yikes.

Considering where the economy is now, the Six Dollar Burger will soon become obsolete. Maybe Carl's Jr. was thinking ahead by branding their burgers this way... knowing the dollar would become increasingly worthless over the next decade.

So what's next for Carl's?

The Trillion Dollar Bailout Burger:

1,000 pages of shit, piled high with pork.