'THE HILLS HAVE EYES' IS REAL?!

whaattttt.....???



Full article here... with video!

If You Like 'To Catch A Predator'...

Then you'll love this:

ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. -- A 21-year-old Disney employee was taken away in handcuffs from his job at Disney-MGM Studios. The charges against him are even more disturbing because of where he works. Friday, Disney released a statement that the employee was on unpaid administrative leave.

Tony Guerra showed no emotion as he was arrested Thursday evening by agents from the FBI's 'Innocent Images' task force. Walt Disney World managers helped the agents track him down as he was leaving his food service job.

A federal search warrant quoted him saying "I love babies" in a chat room session on Hello Google. The search warrant said Guerra asked an undercover officer, posing as a mother, if she had molested her own children. Then he sent her 63 photos and four videos of child and baby pornography.

1. Who doesn't love babies?
2. Another reason to join the 'Down With Disney' group on facebook. (i.e. 'The Most Pedophilic Place on Earth!')
3. Baby Porn... the deeply-underground sequel to Baby Geniuses.

You have to wonder what this guy was thinking. So he's in this chatroom on Hello Google (whatever the hell that is), and he sees a new user join the 'Child Talk for Moms Only' room. Here is a supposed transcript of Guerra's IMs (or PMs.. or GMs):

LittleKidLover: Hey 'baby'... get it?
HawtBabyMomma114: Ha Ha Yes I love that joke!
LittleKidLover: do u have kids?
HawtBabyMomma114: Yes I do. My oldest, Jamie, is just turning 4, and my newest bundle of joy, Harrietta, just graced this planet with her arrival last week.
LittleKidLover: ooooo... I love babies...that's hot
HawtBabyMomma114: Yes, you're right. It's 102 degrees here!!!!!!
LittleKidLover: ya bitch i like the way you play it
HawtBabyMomma114: Ha Ha you're funny. So you do have kids too?
LittleKidLover: fuck no. but more importantly, do you molest your kids?
HawtBabyMomma114: Oh my lord no! I can't even imagine doing that!
LittleKidLover: stfu and check this out... they might help your imagination

LittleKidLover wants to send '63photosandfourvideosofchildandbaby pornography.zip'...

I imagine it went exactly like that. If only Chris Hanson were there. Dateline NBC Presents To Catch A Predator: Epcot.

Whoops...

No commentary necessary:

BELGRADE, Serbia (Reuters) -- A 23-year old Serb was found dead and half-eaten in the bear cage of Belgrade Zoo at the weekend during the annual beer festival.

The man was found naked, with his clothes lying intact inside the cage. Two adult bears, Masha and Misha, had dragged the body to their feeding corner and reacted angrily when keepers tried to recover it.

"There's a good chance he was drunk or drugged. Only an idiot would jump into the bear cage," zoo director Vuk Bojovic told Reuters.

Local media reported that police found several mobile phones inside the cage, as well as bricks, stones and beer cans.

As Promised, More Terrible Teases

I've been on vacation for a while, but I never take a break from hating promotions.

Here's a tease from today's 4 o'clock on ABC7:

THEN, JIMMY STEWART MADE HIS MARK IN HOLLYWHOOD HISTORY, NOW HE'S BEING HONORED IN ANOTHER WAY! SEE HOW HE'S BEING REMEMBERED BY THE U-S POSTAL SERVICE.

Hmmm... how many different ways does the USPS honor somebody? I was really hoping they were going to make a mailbox out of Jimmy Stewart, a la the R2D2-box. Alas, I was mistaken, and he just got a dumb stamp. Damn you teases, AGAIN.

I Hate You, Promotions

One of my pet peeves, something that irks me on all levels, even so much that it forces me to use to the work 'irk': Teases.

They're tricky little bastards to do right, and most of the time writers just fuck 'em up. Given more time, I'd list some more examples. But on Wednesday, just mere hours after the bridge collapse, ABC7 was already teasing their 11:00 coverage:

'Misery on the Mississippi'

I hate you, promotions. Pure disgrace.

(More on teases later...)

CBS Gets an F-

It goes without saying (but I will anyway): Yesterday's bridge collapse in Minneapolis is a huge story, and will be for weeks. "What went wrong?" will be the question that will probably never be answered, yet perpetually asked.

So yesterday, after the 6:00 local shows wrapped their wall-to-wall coverage of the collapse, it was the Networks' turn to take over. Now, the bridge collapsed around 4:00 PT. World News, Evening News, and Nightly all air from 6:30-7:00 for the east coast, or 3:30-4 for those slow in math (and I know you're out there). Here's a bit of inside baseball, "making the band" info about how the networks do their evening news shows. Generally, the show is live in all aspects for the east coast, like most things on TV. But the west coast feed (3 hours later) is usually different than the live version. After the live broadcast, Charlie, Katie, or Brian go back, re-shoot/update/edit/fix things from the live show. So by the time we see it here in L.A., the "West Coast Edition" (as Nightly calls it) is about as live as The Tonight Show.

There's two obvious reasons to reshooting the show:

1. Making the anchors look better by eliminating flubs and screw ups; and more importantly,
   
2. Being NEW (because the NEWS is supposed to be NEW) in case something happens between 4:00 and 6:30 Pacific Time.
   

Get to point right? Yesterday, while ABC and NBC went live with their respective anchors to cover the bridge collapse, CBS did not. For whatever reason, CBS and Katie Couric went with their canned East Coast feed, and had nothing on the bridge until about 6:45, with a live VOSOT.

There may be an excuse, and I really hope there is. Otherwise, the Evening News producers need to be fired, or flogged. Either will do.

Bad job, Katie.

The Dogs Strike Back!

Elsewhere in the country, hundreds of dogs are being killed for sport. Well now the dogs have their day...

Watch 'Dog Eats Nearly $1,000 in Cash' here.

Corruption from Within

I guess I (and the rest of the news media) should have been more skeptical of that story about cardboard dumplings in China (original post). Now it turns out the undercover reporter in that story made up the entire thing! He's been arrested! After a city-wide inspection by the government, it determined, 'Zi [The reporter] had provided all the cardboard and asked the vendor to soak it. It's all cheating.'

I don't know why a dumpling manufacturer would have willingly submitted to pretending to stuff its delicious pork dumplings with chopped up boxes. Maybe the reporter paid the guy? Allegedly the man 'fabricated the report to garner higher audience ratings.' He succeeded there, that's for sure.

Honestly though I'm more upset at the state of journalism in the world now. We've got reporters flat out making up investigative pieces? Next thing you're going to tell me is that Joel Grover really works for Mannie, Moe, & Jack (and the rest of the 'Boys) and he's just trying to get EZ shut down!

CNN article about 'Dumpling Duping' here.

WTF is wrong with people?

'Entertainment'??? GO SEE HARRY POTTER OR SOMETHING PEOPLE.

I hope they throw the fuckin' book at Michael Vick. Or better yet, put him in a UFC ring and see if he ends up like his dogs.

Related CNN video not for the faint of heart.

More (and Simpler) Math Lessons, Since No One Learned from Last Week's

Our previous lesson taught us about the inverse relationship between President Bush's job performance and the 'threat' of terrorism in the U.S. Today we'll learn about Positive Correlation with respect to the War of on Terror:
Congressional Democratic efforts to stop the War in Iraq
are positively correlated to
'Successes' in the War in Iraq
Last night, Senate Democrats, in true college fashion, pulled an all-nighter discussing the war. Cots were rolled out and set up and everything. Yay slumber parties!

But wait! Just as the American public began to think Congress was actually doing its job by ending this war... on the other side of the Potomac, the Pentagon today announced the capture of 'the most senior Iraqi in al Qaeda in Iraq'! A MAJOR VICTORY IN THE WAR ON TERROR! What are these Democrats talking about?? We must be winning the war if we were able to capture the head of al Qaeda in Iraq, right? Hmm.. that story conveniently pushes the 24 hour debate off the front page of CNN. Turns out we captured the guy two weeks ago, but I guess the White House was just waiting for the right time to tell us.

Here's the kicker:

The declassified portion of the National Intelligence Estimate (NIE) warns of "a persistent and evolving terrorist threat over the next three years" from Islamic terrorist groups, namely al Qaeda.

Math Lesson #4
This Year (2007) + 3 years = 2010

What else (besides another terror attack, of course) will happen 'over the next three years'? Step aside, Nostradamus. I predict BIG threats to the nation on the following days:

November 4, 2008 & November 2, 2010.

Why?

Can anyone tell me why there's a dancing alien on this mortgage ad? I thought it was for Mercury Insurance at first. This is what I get for having to use IE at work.

Police: Pa. boy stabs brother over game

LANSDOWNE, Pa. (AP) - A 13-year-old boy fatally stabbed his brother with a steak knife after the 16-year-old refused to turn over a video game controller, authorities said.

Jahmir Ricks was charged with first-degree murder in the death of Antwan Ricks at their home outside Philadelphia. The older boy died of a single stab wound to the chest, police said, and a bent and bloody knife was recovered from the home.

Lansdowne police said the younger boy told them, "I just stabbed my brother," when they arrived at the home Sunday.

Police believe the argument started when Antwan Ricks would not turn over the game controller after losing a game to his brother. Police Chief Daniel Kortan said the rules of the house were that the person who lost had to give someone else a chance to play.

The argument escalated into a brawl, and the younger boy grabbed the knife, Kortan said.

Antwan Ricks was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Jahmir Ricks, who was charged as an adult, was being held without bail. It was not immediately known if he had obtained an attorney. He faces charges of third-degree murder, assault, recklessly endangering another person and possession of instruments of crime.

When will kids learn?? The Wiimote sword in Zelda is not a REAL sword. You can't be Link, kid. Only Link can.

Lies... All Lies!

I'm not sure what it really means to say 'News Corp. Reaches deal to buy Dow Jones' in the headline and yet say News Corp.'s big man Rupert Murdoch 'must still win over the company's controlling shareholders.' As far as I know, the Bancroft family (Dow Jones' big men and women) vehemently denied any sale of Dow and the Wall Street Journal to Murdoch would ever happen. Apparently Murdoch has reached a 'tentative agreement' with Dow's CEO for a $5b buy-out, but that doesn't mean anything... I think it's tentative in that the shareholders (the Bancroft family) are the ones who write the checks and make the decisions. I'd like to see the Wall Street Journal remain free from the grasp of News Corp, but I'm honestly not too confident that'll happen.

I'm not too sure I want the same company that owns perhaps two of the most evil things on this planet -- MySpace and Fox News -- to own the oldest stock index in the country. I guess Murdoch's timing is great, though... the Dow's 'stock' has never been higher. Get it?

Read about Murdoch's tentative take-over here.

*** UPDATE:Well shit.

Rodhamgate

A lot of people are getting hyped up over a 'secret' conversation between Hillary Clinton and John Edwards at the close of an NAACP forum yesterday in Detroit. Apparently the mic was left on while Clinton and Edwards lamented the fact that they only get 60 seconds to sum up their opinions on important issues because there are so many candidates taking part in debates, and they mentioned the possibility of thinning out the herd a bit. 'Our guys should talk,' says Clinton. Sounds like she's putting a hit on Kucinich or something.

Sidenote: OH GOD BARACK USED NOTES. OH WAIT THATS ALLOWED. nm jk.

Anyway, if you read what they said, I don't even get what they're talking about or that they want some of the lesser candidates to bow out. Media hype I suspect, since Paris Hilton has been quiet for a while or something.

With all the Hillary coverage (and her lapdog Bill following her around), I thought I heard an MSNBC anchor refer to them as 'Billary.' She didn't... but I still think it's clever. So I came across this website: http://www.billaryforpresident.com/.



Ahh... brings back memories.

Hungry? Not anymore

If you love dim sum, this story's for you! Some Chinese restaurants have a new item just added to their menu: delicious pork dumplings, steamed to perfection, and they're even bigger and 'meatier' than what you can get in Chinatown! Mmmmm...

So what's the beef (or pork)? A Beijing TV station says some Chinese food manufacturers are using 'unsavory' ingredients in their brand of dumplings. You know, just your everyday dumpling of fatty pork, powdered seasoning, and chopped-up cardboard. Apparently it cuts costs, and customers don't notice the difference. At least cardboard is high in fiber.

Read the full article here.

Math for Terrorists

It's summer, and since many children are out of school, I thought a couple of math exercises today might help stimulate the neurons.

The first lesson is from our 8th grade Algebra books:

President Bush's approval rating
is inversely proportional to
the current threat of a terrorist attack on the United States

'Breaking News' right now on the CNN homepage reads (beneath a picture of our good friend Osama bin Laden):

Al Qaeda is stepping up its efforts to sneak terror operatives into the United States and has acquired most of the capabilities it needs to strike here, according to a new U.S. intelligence assessment, The Associated Press has learned.

'Stepping up its efforts.' I guess al-Qaida was just kickin' it old school in Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Uzbekistan ("ASSHOLES!") since their last strike, drinkin' fawties and rollin' fatties.

There's nothing like an overblown threat of terror to get people to forget about the shortcomings of the Bush administration. In case you were still asleep this morning during the announcement, at 7:15 PST President Bush unveiled the results of a broad (yet 'initial') assessment of the current situation in Iraq, with regard to U.S. troop involvement, extremist violence, and the Iraqi government's ability to handle its own, among other things.

Congress outlined 18 benchmarks on which the President was to give his thumbs-up or thumbs-down to (whether progress in each area was 'Satisfactory' or not) by the deadline of this Sunday, July 15, 2007. In a shocking move by the Executive Branch, the President actually obeyed Congress this time, and even beat the deadline by three days!

Out of 18 benchmarks, only 8 were deemed 'Satisfactory.' In the President's words, this is a 'cause for optimism.'

Ready for Math lesson #2 for today? We'll go simpler than algebra, back to 2nd grade arithmetic:

8 ÷ 18 = 44.44% = FAIL

8 out of 18 is definitely not a cause for optimism. Unless you're optimisitic about failing.

Read the entire 'Initial Benchmark Assessment Report' on Iraq (.pdf)

Attack of the Clones

It's summer, and that means two things: 1) The western half of the U.S. is on fire, and 2) TV sucks.

Tuesday night saw the premiere of NBC's 'The Singing Bee'; I didn't watch, but I think my mom summed it up well enough: "Oh My God! I think I have found the new worst show." Anything hosted by Joey "The Fat One" Fatone has gotta be bad.

Not to be outdone, Fox struck back last night (and will strike again tonight) with it's own rendition. I think they need to spend some more time coming up with catchier names for their shows, quite honestly.

'Don't Forget the Lyrics!,' hosted by Wayne Brady, a man who never forgets the lyrics, is on Fox tonight at 8:30 if you're interested. Which you shouldn't be. Shame on you for even reading this.

'(In) The End' of Live Earth

Just days after Mr. Gore's son took the whole "go green" message a bit too far, the former VP's real child, Live Earth, is now under way. I realize Gore's bday isn't really 7/7/07, but it might as well be, so he could have even more to celebrate about. Among the 100 bands playing in today's 24 hour, pancontinental concierto include The Police, Foo Fighters, Kelly Clarkson, and Enrique.

I just thought it kinda crass and a bit hypocritical that Linkin Park's set, when they played Japan just hours ago, closed with "In The End." I'm sure this is the message Al Gore wanted to send to the world about climate change:

"I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter."

When Journalists Attack!

MSNBC's Mika Brzezinski is flaming mad at all the Paris Hilton coverage. So mad in fact, she tries to set her script on fire during Morning Joe. And who says journalism has gotten soft? She's trying to burn down the frickin studio! I feel bad for the producer though, but he should know better... shouldn't he?

Paris Hilton is a Terrorist

Sure, some might say the TD messed up. But I think it was a scorned producer's last hurrah. Either way, Paris Hilton is a terrorist, no matter how you slice it. Just ask Rick Salomon about the 'Terror From Within.'